Intimacy and Truth - My Piano and I - All of Me

As I continue on current vocal production efforts to complete and release the new dance tracks I have been working on of late, and really can not wait to unleash upon everyone, I never for a moment abandon the side of me that feels as I do when I think upon my life and my understanding of love. In keeping with that, a ballad to share with you that is simply me at my piano singing in truth and intimacy, a pre-release track recorded live (and in full unedited and error laden glory ;) this evening of a song I have written and titled "All of Me." 

The link below is for the mp3 of this song.

Cheers everyone.

Geoff Mills - All of Me (mp3)

Gord Mclaughlin

“McLAUGHLIN, Gord - On Sunday, November 21, 2010, at his home, in his 67th year. Gord is survived by his brother Roger McLaughlin and his sister Marnie McLaughlin. Gord was a Vietnam veteran as he was SSGT. with the U.S.M.C., he was a past member of Links of Niagara Golf Course, and will be sadly missed by his best golfing buddy Dennis Dumont. SIMPLER TIMES CREMATION CENTRE have been entrusted with the arrangements for Mr. McLaughlin. In keeping with his wishes a private graveside service has taken place. Memorial remembrances made to the Royal Canadian Legion Poppy Fund would be appreciated.”

Yesterday I received the above news about Gord McLaughlin.

He was my biological father.

I hardly knew him.

Despite wishes to the contrary, and an attempt to connect on my part that turned only into disappointment sided with some heartbreak for the effort. The finality of death means that questions remain unanswered yet must now find their own solutions. A part of my being whose roots I grew from, I cannot now ask certain reasons for. These are things and moments that shape our character, our lives and our perspectives on life. They have shaped mine. Anger and sadness interchange now for the lead role in my mind as I ask myself many questions, all held with the current response of “Why?” More to write about I suppose. I am thankful for music and its therapeutic abilities that I will lean on now, as I have before. I am always helped whenever able to turn emotion into sound. Music and writing, to me, are the simplest and most truthful forms of communication when used as a method to honestly confront feelings that need to be. If I write simply and honestly about what I feel, then I have begun to face those feelings. I find this a great way to discover more about one’s self; where we stand on values, decisions made or to be made, and/or any questions we need to be asking introspectively. This news has forced me to do just that; to write about it in order to be honest about what I’m thinking in respect to this, and to ask myself the questions I need to ask so I can find my own answers. So I will ask what I must, and seek out that that is the truest. 

I am repeatedly drawn to the line in the obit that reads “sadly missed by his best golfing buddy Dennis Dumont.” A certain sadness resides in that sentence. What to make of such a statement? No mention of your children (biological or otherwise,) strikes me in many ways. 

When I was a young man in my early twenties I reached out to you without judgment, criticism or comment on your long absence from my life. We met then, and after all those years you told me how you had missed me and how you would like to be a part of my life again. I agreed despite my fears because I wanted to know who my father was. You called me “son” as I said good-bye and I was left with an imagination full of possible future moments, of a chance to find out more of where I come from, of talking of times missed, of planning for times ahead. I was left to believe things would be different from that point forward. You never called again despite your promise. I hope your golfing buddy filled whatever void that empty promise may have left. Nothing filled the void I felt for many years, and now that opportunity, and yours is gone... 

…as is mine.

I give myself permission to feel this way because it is the way I feel. I am angry and disappointed. I am sad and confused. Fathers, love your children.

I will say good-bye because good-bye is all that is left. In my way I will miss you. I wonder if you have missed me too, from time to time.

And I write because I have to, because it is my way of healing and working through what life has placed upon my plate.

My Friend

My Friend

by Geoff Mills

Hello my friend,

How have you been?

'Cause it seems such a long time,

Since we've shared a laugh,

Like we did back then.

I see you're doing fine,

And that puts my mind on easy,

So thanks for the cheer,

That we shared that year.

Well thank you my friend.

You saved me from the fall,

The one that took it all,

When they left me bleeding, in the end,

You were there for me my friend.

So I thank you, friend,

For all of the times that we've had,

I thank you my friend.

You're the brother I'll always have,

So let me thank you my friend,

'Cause I know when the others I ran,

I could call you again,

My friend.

And so let me thank, you my friend,

‘Cause i know that one day soon, I will see you again,

My Friend.

Thank you again.

[mp3 version here] 

- written, arranged, performed, and produced by Geoff Mills

- copyright (c) 2010 Geoff Mills

---

Written in dedication to and of a dear friend who was there for me, and helped me hold on to and rediscover my spirit, drives and passions for music during some very difficult times. There is something special and worth remembering about those who have our best interests at heart, and offer us their friendship and love without agenda. It is with humility and boundless gratitude and that I present this song in his honor. Thank you My Friend, always.

Spirit

I am a spiritual individual, who is aware of spirit.

I often wonder how many other people are as well, aside from just saying so. Do some people feel their spirituality only when in a place designated as one worthy of worship? I seldom visit such places for my own reasons, but I do understand some peoples’ need for such. Is the holding of one’s hands together in certain form a symbolic expression and requirement of being spiritual? Is kneeling in a certain manner or toward a specific direction a sign that one person is more of spirit than another? Do people believe that such places of altars or symbols are a more direct means of connection to something greater than ourselves, or instead simply a place of calm to contemplate peace and their position? Are they? Are these places of visit popular because one has been told to go there, or because in true introspection one really believes in them as the defining place for such inner enlightenment. I have no answer other than my own preferences. Personally, I feel most connected when I’m alone with nature, where nature is the only sound of life aside from my own breathing and heartbeat. For me, when I can remove all other chatter and interruption from life, open my mind and feel the energy of everything, that is when I feel most connected. It is in that moment that I review my life, my decisions, the lessons of, and the now actions that I must take so that I am not destined to repeat myself.

My spirit is that which binds my consciousness to the energy of me. My body is simply its conduit here that allows me to put into material practice the lessons that I must undertake in this existence, for its own learning towards a better state. My spirit contains all the essence of my existence, from that which drives me, to that which provides me with my determinations, knowledge, passions and desires. From the values I have learned, to the moral judgments I place upon myself without the need for a conscious opinion. It is the eternal energy of me that can only be transformed, never destroyed, as I believe.  Hardship and heartache are to me a good example of a transforming spirit. We are given choices and it is our choice to either grow from the moment, expanding upon our understanding of life and our contribution to existence, or to simply brood and walk in self-pity without looking up to see what we may have become, or are becoming.

The expression of my spirit is music. The keys of a piano when played and run across in pleasing chord, feel like extensions to the things I hold dear to me; the love, pain, sacrifice and joy that is life. To write from a moment in time, to encapsulate that very moment and the exact emotion of it in music and voice is for me a way of capturing my very spirit at a specific point in my journey. Song and words mean everything to me, and each time I hear back one of my songs, my own voice far too familiar, I am immediately brought back to the very moment in time of it, emotion and all. It is interesting to milestone one’s life in such a manner. It’s a great way to learn from the past, and compare it to now. It is to me a blessing not to be wasted.

My questions about the spirituality of our world are simply questions that I need to ask in order to understand viewpoints aside from my own. I believe I am an opened minded individual, and so as such to a claim I am eager to hear and understand how others view themselves and their spirituality. Learning is power, and I am curious and truly interested in what other people define as being spiritual, and what it actually means to them. I find by asking the questions I broaden my own understanding and knowledge of what it means. I have my own opinions and perceptions on this matter, but they are limited to my experiences only and so I find that to be a bonded one-sided conversation. In order to better understand I must ask, and in so doing, hope that you will share.

Nothing Fancy - How it all comes together

I thought today I would post something more along the technical and physical setup side of things, and how it comes together in terms of equipment and process.  Every now and then I'm asked, "How do you record your songs?" Well to be honest, I use a very simple setup of equipment that I've had in my life for many years, and has become second nature to me as an extension of my creative process. It's rare a new piece of anything joins the "crew" with the exception of the occasional microphone or updated software. The keyboard I use is a full weighted 88-keys Roland HP-800 that I've had for more years than my adult life, and is what almost all of the instruments you hear in each song are played on. The actual instrument sounds you hear come from another unit I've had for almost as long now, and is a true favorite of mine, the Roland JV-1080. Yes I'm well fond of Roland equipment. This fab synthesizer module has become a well known and much loved piece of sound equipment for many artists from film score writers to you-name-it. Strings to piano, bass to percussion, and brass to whatever-else-I-like-that-fits, the creativity in terms of the instrument side generally starts here. To give you an idea of this machine's importance in my music, the current track I'm busy working on right now titled: Welcome to the Show, is 20 tracks of instruments and sounds (not counting vocals yet,) and of those 20 tracks, a full 16 are instruments from the JV-1080 that I play via the piano. Important indeed.


For sequencing all these instruments I use a standard PC with Win7 64bit OS (Oh Nooos say the Mac lovers... meh) and SonarXL Producer Edition 8 as the sequencing software. Sonar is a great piece of software that allows me to layer all the instruments, with fine control over each including note corrections, key velocities and so forth. It also allows me to record my vocals into the sequencing sessions as audio tracks, and as such I'm able to layer each of my vocal tracks in the same manner. Add to this any other audio effects that I desire to use (such as the children playing and the street noises in the song Home as example,) and voila, now we're on to something. When I do sing my vocals however, I don't sing them directly into Sonar as I have my own methods (right or wrong,) that I have become comfortable with. At current I use an AKG Perception 220 microphone that is connected to a Roland VS-880 digital workstation. I like this microphone because of its ability to pickup subtle nuances when singing songs that require such. I received this microphone as a gift after finishing Release Her, and so to date it has been used on Your Song, Home and Who I Am. Sitting right behind the microphone, attached to the same stand,  is this wonderful piece of mobile sound-booth equipment that does an incredible job of recreating the environment within a sound booth without having to actually build one, and because of this, I am able to control all equipment easily as I have them laid out in arms reach of one another.

So the VS-880 is what I first record all my vocals into. I do this because of the fast seek ability, built in high quality reverb and delay effects, and mainly because of the vocal layering I do when singing a song. As I sing all of the vocals you hear in my songs (to date,) I strongly believe in harmonizing in order to pull out richness and depth, be it the main vocals harmonizing to an instrument, or backing harmonizing to the main or another backing vocal. With the VS-880 I am able to quickly switch between the various vocal tracks in order to sing each part and then hear them back together quickly. Given that I also tend to improvise lyrics  on-the-fly in most cases (IE make up the words as I sing,) this method and ease of use has become essential for me.

As all equipment is connected to each other, everything now in motion plays back in-sync and in musical unison so I can easily grasp where things are going both musically and vocally, and can adjust, re-write or correct as necessary. A joyous process when all goes well! So, once I have the vocals as I like them, I then strip all effects and EQing from them, record them into Sonar as a track per vocal, and the process of mixing it all together begins.

Well I think that covers it. Each song of mine you've heard to date has been written and performed per the above. Nothing extravagant, no huge studio or production process, or team for that matter. Just one musician and his gear. So what does that all look like in terms of layout? Well... really simple and certainly nothing fancy. See for yourself...

Welcome to the Show

The title of this quick post is the title of a new track I am currently in production on this beautiful and sunny Friday. The past couple of weeks have been a bit hectic and completely void of song for me as I had hit my usual apres-song writers block for a short period after Who I Am was done. Thankfully this block has gone, and along with the aforementioned new track I am also writing another alongside it, taking advantage of this creative flow while it's here. During those moments of block I find myself in a serious funk and rather lost so I do best to keep busy with my PR; sending kits and emails out, making new media and industry contacts as best I can, and anything else I can think of that needs doing as a one-man-show must do. Now at least some traction and momentum are taking hold however there is an important step I must undertake at this time. All the tracks I have presented thus far, as I have surely indicated elsewhere in past posts here or there, have been mixed by me, and I am NO sound engineer, so as such it is now time for them to be properly mixed (or engineered as it is also referred to) in a proper studio and prepped for mastering. During that process I also have plans for a couple of videos to be done, but more on that another time. Once tracks are mastered (or at the least mixed properly by other hands and ears,) the next steps begin in terms of moving forward in this career. It has been a crazy road thus far but one to never look back on, nor regret. As I believe in living in the now I won't go into further details about what's planned for the coming weeks and months ahead, but will instead leave that for when those moments become the now so I can write of them then. Instead I will enjoy what is today, keep working diligently on these new songs, and make the most of this very moment. The past few weeks have been well learned from also, with some good lessons about this industry, and about being watchful of those who make claims about what they can do for your career, versus those who do before they make claims. Just today a friend of mine made a great statement about this business. I won't post it here but certainly invite you to ask and I will gladly pass it along. This friend is a person who does before claims, and as such is a great friend to have, and now a great friend to have on my musical career and team going forward. Cheers amigo and thanks.

Have a great weekend everybody, and keep listening!

NEW SONG! - WHO I AM

Who I Am (by Geoff Mills)

A productive weekend indeed! Wrote this one on Friday, had the instruments done by Saturday morning,  and sang all the vocals by yesterday late night. Today was mix-down day, and with a bit of sweat on brow it's now ready for ears. Cheers!

- see the player to the right for the song or you can listen to a 320kbs version (up later today,) on my site at www.geoffmills.ca in the music section.